Thank *insert your chosen deity or A-list celeb* it’s Friday! The pea protein industry is booming in New Zealand, everyone plant pea seeds NOW before it’s too late. People in Victoria are getting paid $250 from the government just for living in a house with electricity and Gwyneth Paltrow is on trial, both by the public, and by a 76-year-old with permanent injuries from a ski accident.
These are the only things happening in the world that you need to know about today.
$250 Energy Bill Bonus
The Victorian Government’s $250 bonus scheme for… basically everyone in the state, is trending. They were reportedly going to make it $350 but didn’t want everybody spending it on a bag of drugs. Jokes! Also cocaine is $350 these days isn’t it?
To be eligible, “you must have a recent residential electricity bill with you and be the account holder for that bill,” the government says. Not a huge bar to cross.
And if you live in any other state, just sign up for a VPN and put in a fake Melbourne address. Give us a shout to let us know if it works and we’ll all do it!
Pea Protein Boom
Alright savvy investors, keep an eye on the humble pea. Apparently the pea protein industry is booming, according to an article I skimmed over. I think it said pea protein was especially booming in New Zealand but I can’t remember and I’m not going to check. It resonated with me because I’ve started getting these pea protein plant based nuggets (come at me) at Woolies and they’re fucking delicious.
“They’re better than chicken nuggets” – meat eater.
Gywneth Paltrow Ski Crash Trial
You might have seen that Gwyn’s in court for allegedly causing a 76-year-old man permanent injuries during a skiing accident. It’s another scenario in which the media is deciding the narrative for the people, which ultimately backfires when the individual uses this as the basis to file for a mistrial, see: Cosby, Bill.
The prosecution are calling people to the stands such as ‘The only eyewitness’ and ‘A consulting physician’ who are absolutely nailing Paltrow to the cross with sentences such as “she did it” and “I was the only eyewitness and she definitely did it”.
Paltrow really is copping it at the moment, her extraordinary courtroom facial expressions being chopped up and used in viral videos. In fairness to her, court seems awful. I went to rental tribunal once and the judge reckoned he was top shit. In fairness to the trolls, however, she seems guilty as. She’s even dressing guilty, somehow.
Maybe we’re just biased/scarred by the fact she sells a candle that smells like her vagina. But I mean, if you’re going to make such bold claims about wellness, maybe take up a less dangerous hobby, because you cannot afford to go to court and have your opinions scrutinised.
New Music Friday and Yellowjackets
It’s new music Friday and the album release chart reads like it’s from the early days of airport security. Matt Corby from Australian Idol fame is back with a new one. You know his heyday was a long time ago because if you Google “Matt Corby Australian Idol” I guarantee you his haircut looks embarrassing by today’s standards.
From all accounts, the album is quite good, so maybe hit up Sanity and buy the single, or hey, even the whole album if you’ve got the cash on hand.
And while you’re out, stop by Video Ezy, because the new season of Yellowjackets is out today as well. It gets great reviews but I’ve never gotten past the plot synopsis, which may as well read, “It’s Lost. Remember the show Lost? We’re doing Lost again but with jackets”
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